The Onion

WASHINGTON, DC—Vowing to "exact justice for the taking of innocent American lives," a determined and defiant President Bush deployed more than 14,000 ground troops to the West Nile Monday.
"We will hunt down and capture those who bring sickness and death to our shores," said Bush. "Nothing can deter us from bringing down these bloodsucking anti-American parasites."

Trying to end on a lighter note.