Quick Late Night Jokes

"They're saying in the paper today that Howard Dean could go back to Vermont and become a doctor again. You see this is where I worry that President Bush maybe doesn't understand a lot of these issues. Like today when they told Bush that Dean might work for an HMO, he said, 'Hey, as long as he doesn't marry one."' - Jay Leno

"As of midnight Thursday night, John Kerry began receiving Secret Service protection -- a three-car detail of heavily armed agents and a bulletproof limousine pulled up in front of his house and stayed there all night. You see that's what you get when you're the front-runner. Dennis Kucinich got a whistle and a can of Mace." - Jay Leno

"President Bush's dog Spot passed away. ... So they took Spot back to the ranch in Texas and they buried him on the ranch, which I thought was nice, and they buried him right next to, I believe, 10,000 Al Gore ballots." - David Letterman