Monday, November 14, 2005

The New Monogamy - Marriage With Benefits


Until death do us part—except every other Friday.
For years, we have said—to each other, to our boyfriends, to people writing in to our advice column—that monogamy is a choice, and if you expect it to come naturally, then your relationship (or your shot at one) is doomed. In other words, don’t take monogamy for granted; take the urge to stray for granted. But then again, our underlying assumption was that of course you’d choose monogamy, because what other choice was there? That’s what happily-ever-after requires. Although we may crave a fling on the side, the thought of our partner’s doing the same is heartbreaking, and so we agree to fidelity in order not to drive each other crazy.

But lately, these questions have become more than just theoretical.
el - The one thing you are limited in for relationships is time. I learned before my marriage that I didn't believe in jealousy but then I had to learn that I could become upset and jealous over time. My S.O. wasn't spending time with me when I would like to be with her. I wasn't jealous she was with someone else, I became jealous of losing time I enjoyed with her. I like things that make people I love happy which is why I don't feel jealous about other people. I got jealous of lost time. Becoming more mature means that I found many more things to occupy my time instead of needing one particular person with me. Still, if there is something you want to do at a particular time with someone expanding relationships can make life much more complicated. Touch carefully those time, fidelity, and monogomy issues.


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