Jay Leno

Today, "Playboy Magazine” announced they’re laying off 8% of their work force. How bad is the economy when guys stop looking at naked women? (pretends to cry) "I can’t look at this anymore.”

An aide to the Prime Minister of Canada called President Bush, "A moron." Here's a guy that never worked a day in his life, lived off his dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up President. That's not a moron, that's a genius!

Senate Democrat leader Tom Daschle on television this week whining thatthat radio talk show hosts like Rush Limbaugh are inciting listeners to make physical threats against Democrats, which is a federal crime. Threatening an endangered species, you can't do that!

David Letterman

Al Gore says that the Bush economic plan has zero chance of working. Here’s the important question – Bush has an economic plan?