Late Night Politics

"President Bush is fighting back. He said the intelligence I get is 'darn good'. See, no matter how important an issue is, Bush always makes it sounds like he's in a commercial for barbecue sauce." —Jay Leno

"Tony Blair addressed Congress today. In a statement, Bush said that he and Tony Blair have the exact same goal: re-election." —Jay Leno

"President Bush has invited Palestinian Prime minister Abu Mazen to Washington next week. Bush will urge Mazen to stop his people from instigating violence in the region and Mazen will urge Bush to do the same." —Conan O'Brien

"Religious leader Pat Robinson has launched what he calls a 'prayer offensive' calling for God to remove Supreme Court judges that he does not like. He mentions that one is 83, one has cancer, one has a heart condition. That is not a prayer offensive, that is an offensive prayer." —Jay Leno

"Looks like there was more false information in President Bush's State of the Union address. Now it turns out they didn't really have an economic plan either." —Jay Leno

"Republicans in Congress are defending President Bush saying he had no idea that the statement in his speech was wrong. Well times have changed. Do you remember when a President was embarrassed to tell people that he didn't write his own speech. Now it's like a badge of honor." —Jay Leno

""I was thinking about this. The country right now is at war. Our economy is bad. $455 billion deficit and the Democrats are saying, 'How are we going to beat this guy?'" —David Letterman

"The Bush Administration is fending off critics who are charging that the President lied to the American people about Iraq buying uranium in the State of the Union address earlier this year. Bush isn't losing any sleep, last time he checked Iraq still has tons of oil." —Craig Kilborn

"Americans are angry over President Bush falsely claiming Iraq bought Uranium. They want to know what George Bush knew, and when Dick Cheney explained it to him." —Craig Kilborn

"British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced he will fly to the United States to meet with President Bush. This way they can get their story straight." —Jay Leno

"There is a new book out now that lists all the foreign countries that hate or resent the United States. It's called the World Atlas." —Jay Leno

"President Bush is taking a lot of heat for using bogus intelligence to justifying invading Iraq. Bogus Intelligence, wasn't that Bush's nickname at Yale?" —Jay Leno

"In Senegal President Bush called slavery one of the greatest crimes in history, right after stealing an election." —Jay Leno
"The White House finally admitted this week that the intelligence President Bush got for his State of the Union address was faulty. Hey, it's not like we went to war over it!" —Jay Leno

"[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader." —Jon Stewart

"The White House finally admitted this week the allegation that Iraq was seeking uranium from the African country of Niger was unsupported and came from documents that were forged. Turns out, our president was using information that was faulty at best, and a lie at worst. I can not tell you how much better I feel. Well Iraq, what can we say? Words aren't enough. That's why were sending an FTD 'Sorry we invaded you based on false information from forged documents' bouquet. It's the least we can do." —Jon Stewart

"Jerry Springer has filed papers to run for the United States Senate. He said he wants to attract people who don't normally vote, or read, or bathe or brush their beeth." —Jay Leno

"Experts say it is very unlikely that the Bush administration will commit a large number of troops to Liberia. They say the country is way to small to distract the American public from the economy." —Jay Leno

"Former Presidential candidate Steve Forbes, who attacked President Bush during the 2000 campaign, now said he was wrong. He said Bush inherited a bad situation and is turning it around. Well sure, when he came into office we had a gigantic budget surplus, low unemployment and a booming economy. Thank God he was able to turn that around! Otherwise where would we be?" —Jay Leno

"This week President Bush insisted he is absolutely convinced that Saddam had a weapons program. Of course he was absolutely convinced that he won the 2000 election, so I don't know." —Jay Leno

Political Humor by Danial Kurtzman.