"Barack is qualified. Personally, I wanna know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next president. Is it because she was married to the president? If that were the case then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world."Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
---Tracy Morgan on SNL
"Are you getting a little more excited about the presidential race now? ... Remember when it was 140 people running for president and you didn't know who they were? Now we're down to three. And the latest is Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain. They've all been arguing, claiming that they're the most qualified person to answer the White House phone at 3am. McCain said, 'I'm the most qualified, because I'm usually up at that hour peeing anyway.'"
"This week, on the liberal website Daily Kos, a civil war has broken out. Clinton bloggers are...protesting what they feel is an abusively pro-Obama environment. Apparently, they were getting the crap hoped out of them. I read all 1,258 angry comments. Folks, I love when Democrats spend all their time in anonymous Internet feuds. Anything to keep them off the 'Casual Encounters' section on Craigslist."
"Interesting fact came out today on the new $5 bill. It turns out it used to be the old $10 bill." --- Jay Leno
"So, let's see, Jim McGreevey was having three-ways. Eliot Spitzer was having sex with prostitutes. The new governor, David Paterson, was having an affair. You realize the only politician in New York not getting any sex -- Hillary Clinton." --Jay Leno
"I don't know if you folks from out of town are aware of this, but here lately we've had trouble with our governor. And now are reports that former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey and his wife were having wild, crazy, three-way sexual activities with his assistant. I can't even get my assistant to make coffee." --David Letterman