Dean-a-Palooza

The Nation -- has an article about the insanity on the campaign trail.

"Governor!" I said. "You talk in your speech about investing in small businesses, and creating Sallie Mae-type loans to help them out..."

"That's right," he said.

"But how do Sallie Mae loans help small businesses fight off the Cargills and the Wal-Marts of the world? Isn't the problem of small businesses rooted in their inability to compete economically with massive companies? Isn't this more of a fundamental problem in our economy that will take more than a few loan programs to fix?"

Dean paused, then nodded. "Well," he said, "there's not a whole lot the federal government can do about that."

What the hell kind of answer is that? I thought. I was about to press the matter, when suddenly Miami Herald reporter Peter Wallsten pushed me aside and lunged at the candidate.

"Governor, getting back to substance," he said. "Is it true that you paint your own house?"

I turned to Wallsten in shock. Getting back to substance? Fuck you! I thought.

Dean laughed. "Um, yes, it is," he said.

"Why do you paint your own house?" Wallsten asked.

Dean shrugged. "To save money, I suppose," he said. "I'm kind of a tightwad."

A dozen hands at once scrambled to write the word "tightwad."

"Do you paint the inside, or the outside?" said Wilgoren, jumping in.

"Um, both," Dean said.

"Do you use a brush, or a..."

She made a gesture. "Or a roller?" Wallsten helped out.

"Uh, again, both," Dean said.

Suddenly I heard the voice of Colapinto yelling out behind me. "Governor!" he said. "Did you bring your harmonica on this trip?"

Most of the reports filed during the trip focused on the size of the crowds, the amount of money Dean has raised, the "feel of a general election campaign" surrounding his appearances and the sudden departure of his legendary "brusque, angry tone," which incidentally I never saw in the first place. A great many of the conversations among reporters on the plane centered around whether or not Dean had a chance to beat Bush, and these speculations--called horse-racing in the business--dominated the narratives of most of the articles, many of which wondered aloud whether Dean was "too far left" or would "moderate" his rhetoric in time for the real race.

When I asked the reporters on the plane what the value of this kind of reporting was, I got an interesting answer. No fewer than four journalists replied to the effect that unless the electability issue was addressed, "someone like Kucinich" might get the nomination.

I was never much impressed by the "Howard Dean problem." To me personally, the whole issue seems ridiculous: I would vote for Count Dracula over George Bush.