"My name is Stephen Colbert, but I actually play someone on television named Stephen Colbert, who looks like me, and talks like me, but who says things with a straight face he doesn’t mean."
In that vein, Colbert considered the immigration debate: “It’s time for illegal immigrants to go — right after they finish (building) those walls." People keep saying immigrants built America, “but here's the thing, it's built now. I think it was finished in the '70s sometime. From this point it’s only a touch-up and repair job."
His suggestions for securing the U.S.-Mexico border went beyond walls to include moats, fiery moats and fiery moats with fire-proof crocodiles.
He added that the border with Canada also has to be secure so Canadians cannot bring their "skunky beer" into the country. He backed English as the official language of the United States — “God wrote (the Bible) in English for a reason: So it could be taught in our public schools.”
Noting the college was founded by abolitionists, Colbert came out against slavery. “I just hope the mainstream media gives me credit for the stand I’ve taken today,” he said.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Colbert's Extremely funny commencement speech
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