Friday, June 27, 2003

End with a laugh


"According to a new CBS poll, 66 percent of Americans cannot name a single Democratic candidate running for president. The other 34 percent are Democratic candidates running for president." —Jay Leno

"When asked about electing a president, most people answered, 'Well, the Supreme Court handles that anyway.'" —Jay Leno

"The Reverend Al Sharpton attacked President Bush, saying he ruined the economy. For instance, Sharpton hasn't been able to find a job in over 46 years." —Craig Kilborn

"Florida Senator Bob Graham announced that he is running for president despite the fact that he went through a double-bypass earlier this year. Political experts don't give Graham much chance because his campaign slogan is 'I'm a little healthier than Dick Cheney.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Do you know who Bob Graham is? Basically he's Dick Gephardt without the charisma. He's a white guy, named Graham, from the south, so I guess that would make him a 'graham cracker.'" —Jay Leno

"Dick Gephardt announced his candidacy for president. Gephardt now plans to look for a running mate or as he put it: 'The alcohol to my sleeping pills.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Gephardt said even though he and the other Democratic candidates have different views they all will give the same concession speech." —Craig Kilborn

"Are you ready for some exciting news? Dick Gephardt is running for president — all right, settle down. Gephardt ran once before for president in 1988, but he was no match for the irresistible charm and charisma of Michael Dukakis." —David Letterman

"John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he could be sexually active again. All the other Democratic candidates have been very supportive. Joe Lieberman called to wish him the best. The Rev. Al Sharpton called to offer prayers. Former President Bill Clinton called Mrs. Kerry and asked if she was lonely." —Jay Leno

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