Department of Homeland Security Now Protecting Us From Hoagies

Say what you will about the notion of homeland security, it is nothing if not flexible. One month it can be used to track down Texas state legislators embroiled in a redistricting dispute, the next it's vetting the threats posed by cold cuts.

All of Philadelphia is afire over a decree that no outside food will be permitted in the new stadium of the NFL's Eagles. A stadium built, incidentally, with $200 million in public money. Team officials couched their decision in the emerging language of security-ese, noting that the state Department of Homeland Security had recommended the change.

"You're putting the fans' lives at danger," one team official said of letting outside food in— ignoring that little in this world is more deadly than mass-produced stadium fare.