Late Night Political Jokes

"Not only will Condoleezza Rice testify, but President Bush has also agreed to meet with the (9/11) commission. He's going to testify, but he said he wants have Dick Cheney there with him. Why does he want Cheney with him? What? Does he have a learner's permit to be president and have to have an adult with him." —Jay Leno

"Michael Jackson was in Washington, DC and met with a number of Congressmen. He's pretty smart. He knows he's going to have to lie under oath pretty soon, so why not get some expert advice?" —Jay Leno

"Former Vice President Al Gore has purchased his own cable television channel. It's going to be the Al Gore TV network. He said it's going to be a lot like C-SPAN, but less exciting." —David Letterman

"Even Jessica Simpson is voting for John Kerry. You know Bush is in trouble when his own people are turning on him." —Craig Kilborn

Ditzy pop star Jessica Simpson, who is known for her idiotic verbal gaffes, delivered a doozy during a recent tour of the White House, the Washington Post reports. Upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton, Simpson gushed, "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." Sounds like she could be presidential material.

"The price of gas in California is going crazy. In fact, today I did something smart. I bought a gallon as an investment." —Jay Leno

"It's really getting ugly between the White House and this former counter-terrorism official Richard Clarke. ... Clarke accused President Bush of subterfuge, an accusation President Bush both denied and had to look up." —Jay Leno

"They say that Saddam is stonewalling, he's refusing to talk, he's not giving out any information. No, wait a minute, that's Condoleezza Rice." —David Letterman

"John Kerry is quite an athlete. He's in Idaho and they showed him snowboarding. Did you see it on the news? Man he is a good snowboarder. He was going downhill faster than Howard Dean." —Jay Leno

"It's interesting. I see all these political ads and all these commentators say it's our job as Americans to vote. Let me tell you something, with Bush in charge of the economy, this might be the only job you have all year." —Jay Leno

"There was an article in the paper today that said America is really a place where losers can actually come out ahead. This is true, like Clay Aiken, who lost on 'American Idol,' he's a big star now. ... Trista lost on 'The Bachelor,' she's got her own dating show now. ... George Bush lost the election and became president of the United States." —Jay Leno

Weekly tracking compiled by Daniel Kurtzman