Best of Late Night Political Humor

Daniel Kurtzman About Political Humor:

"Today President Bush said that the people who are attacking our forces in Iraq are getting more and more desperate because we’re making so much progress. So just remember, the worse it gets, the better it is." —Jay Leno

"Bush said that the attacks in Iraq are intended to 'cause people to run.' He’s right — at last count there were nine Democrats running against him." —Jay Leno

"Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston traveled to the Middle East to bring Israelis and Palestinians together — and it seems to be working — Palestinians and Israelis are both saying 'What they hell are they doing here?'" —Conan O'Brien

"The Senate voted 97-0 for an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying things you get on your computer. The senators made it very clear that when you start misleading the American people and start taking their money over false promises, that's our turf buddy." —Jay Leno

"All nine Democratic candidates for president had a debate on Fox and I don't get this — the winner ended up with a gay bachelor in a cowboy hat." —Craig Kilborn

"Today's bloodshed in Baghdad follows yesterday's chaos when anti-American insurgents unleashed a barrage of rockets on the Al Rashid hotel, the temporary American headquarters. Among its guests -- visiting deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz -- who narrowly avoided injury. Wolfowitz, one of the Bush administration's leading hawks, once predicted that American troops would be welcomed in Iraq as liberators, making his brush with danger there: Iraqi War Irony 2712." —Jon Stewart

"On Thursday in California, President Bush met privately with Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger. What did the pair talk about? Neither is sure." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. It's amazing if you think about it. It was the Terminator and the One-Terminator." —David Letterman

China sent its first man into space. Experts say China's space program is just intended to direct people's attention away from the country's economic problems. Hey, it beats going to war." —Jay Leno

"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to ask President Bush for help with the budget. What better way to deal with a $38 billion deficit than get advice from a guy that created a $450 billion deficit." —Jay Leno

"On the Christian Broadcasting Network, Pat Robertson said the State Department should be blown up with nuclear bombs. I guess he just asked himself: What Would Jesus Do?" —Jay Leno