Going Snarky At The ACU Party

Wonkette gets to have her rack evaluated by American Conservative Union members.

7:10PM Finally. Bush enters, sans tux -- guess he's not staying for dinner. He's wearing that blue tie he always wears. Overheard:
"See how it matches his eyes?"
"Yeah."
"That's such a high school debate team trick."
...
9:20PM NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre gives a speech and says -- could not make this up -- that it's NRA tradition to "honor" those who have served the cause of Second Amendment rights by giving them a firearm. [Curious: What is the message that sends? We think people may try to kill you? Kill yourself? You look like you need a surrogate penis?] Tonight, they want to present a firearm to ACU prez David Keene. . . but there's a ban on handguns in the District. So they give him a big photo of one. Female NRA exec holds up pic over her head and walks around the stage like Vanna White. This is hysterical. And the gun? It's a Charleton Heston "Peacemaker" replica. OMG. I'm dying. They're going to give him the real one in Virigina, "where people care about the Second Amendment." Yes!

9:30PM No after party? Sure, there's an after party. It's in the bar, and the tab is being picked up by the ACU. A dozen twenty- to thirty-somethings, drinking beer. Luminaries (LaPierre, a Virginia congressman whose name I forget, Grover) come over to have hands kissed, say hi. As the night wears on, another difference between attendees at this event and the journo-types who dominated the others (WHCD, RTCA) emerges. . . how to put this delicately? Hmmm. OK: I have not had my rack checked out so brazenly and so often since I stopped going to Cozumel for Spring Break. What is it with the cultural conservatives? They're all Ken-Starring me and shit.

10:10PM At the ultra-exclusive soiree: Washington Times folks (including Ralph Hallow, national political reporter), random ACU/Young Americans for Freedom alums, and -- the highlight of my evening -- Paul Wolfowitz's new speech writer. Overheard:
"I saw him that the Bloomberg party."
"Yeah?"
"He was with two beautiful women."
"Oh, yeah. I've heard about that."
"What?"
"I mean, I just, I've heard about his social life."

So. Right. Uhm. Anyway. Pretty sedate after party. There are cheese plates and more than one selection for red and white wine, tho. Who says conservatives don't know how to have a good time?