Late night Jokes

Leno:

How many watched the game? I was disappointed. I wanted the Red Sox to win. I thought this was nice. Today Rush Limbaugh donated all of his leftover painkillers to the city of Boston. And there was enough for everybody.

It’s reported that Tom Arnold may run for governor of Iowa. So I guess he got turned down for center position on "Hollywood Squares."

I don’t know if he’s right for governor. I see him more as the governor’s embarrassing brother.

According to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, marijuana may decrease fertility in men. You know guys are going to jump on this study. Telling women, "Honey, I don’t need a condom, I’m on the bong."

I thought this was really nice. You know who sent condolences to the Cubs? Al Gore – he said he also knows what it’s like to get screwed by Florida.

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. Arnold told Bush he was born in Austria and Bush said "Well then, I’ll throw another shrimp on the barbie for ya!”

Did you see that Newsweek story? They said Rush Limbaugh’s home is worth $30 million. With a street value of $80 million.

Rodney King has been arrested once again, this time for beating his girlfriend. He could be in real trouble this time – it seems he may have violated California’s very strict 20,000 strikes and you’re out rule.

Letterman

If I seem a bit jumpy today, I am beside myself – this is my first full day off prescription painkillers.

Rush Limbaugh is in rehab, has been for about three or four days now, and is doing good. He’s doing so well that today he announced his engagement to Liz Taylor.

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. When you think about it, it was the meeting between the "Terminator" and the "One-Term-inator."

Rush Limbaugh has entered rehab. Am I the only one who thought we were better off with Limbaugh sedated?

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