Monday, July 16, 2007

Sen. Vitter is a joke, make that lots of jokes

"The darling of the religious right, conservative Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, not only admitted to having sex with prostitutes, he would pay them $300 to make him wear diapers. And today that crazy astronaut called him 'my dream guy, he's got my vote!" --Jay Leno

"Vitter put out a statement saying he only started cheating on his wife after he started hanging out with the wrong crowd, you know, Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, the mayor of LA." --Jay Leno

"David Vitter has admitted he dates hookers in Washington, D.C., and also in Louisiana. He said in his defense he always selected the girl who made the lowest bid, so he's fiscally prudent." --David Letterman

"There's another one of those prostitution scandals down there in Washington, DC. Louisiana Senator David Vitter admitted that he's been visiting Washington area prostitutes. And I thought about this, 'Whoa, wait a minute, a politician, paying for a hooker? I didn't see that comin.'" --David Letterman

"But good for Vitter, he said that it did not cost the taxpayers a cent. He pays for the hookers with his bribe money." --David Letterman

"Well now more problems with this Vitter guy. You gotta go on his website, he's like Mr. Religious, Mr. Family Values. Well now a second madam has come forward and told the Associated Press that he was also a customer at her brothel. This guy was cheating on his hooker with another hooker." --Jay Leno

"And this madam says that Vitter was not only having sex with the prostitutes -- this is unbelievable -- he would also pay them to dress him up in a diaper. See, that's what you call a pampered politician. And she also said today in an interview that he sometimes paid $300 an hour just to have the hookers talk to him because his wife didn't listen to him. Well, I bet she's all ears now." --Jay Leno

"Republican Senator and family values conservative -- that's what he calls himself -- Senator David Vitter of Louisiana admitted he was a client of the so called DC Madam in Washington. See, this is so wrong. At least use a hooker from your own state. I mean they're gonna pump money into the economy, make it your own." --Jay Leno

"Family values conservative Republican Senator from Louisiana David Vitter admitted he has had sex with prostitutes. Apparently years ago this Senator Vitter guy had been seeing one of the DC Madam's escorts. You think the Senator's embarrassed? How about the hooker? Now the whole world knows she had sex with a politician, eww." --Jay Leno

"But he says he's not going to talk about it out of respect for his wife, that's what he said today. It's all these guys getting caught with hookers, they have this newfound respect for their wife. Ya know something, when his pants were down around his ankles leaving the motel, I don't see him going 'you know, I love my wife.' Well you know what makes it especially hypocritical: apparently Vitter has been a strong opponent of same-sex marriage, but today he explained that too. Apparently he's against having sex with the person you're married to." --Jay Leno

"They have prostitutes in Washington D.C., and it now turns out that senators and congressmen and important, powerful people are dating the prostitutes. ... And there's a senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, admitted he's been dating prostitutes. And he was very generous with one girl, he paid her with a new highway project in her home state. ... One thing I'll say for this guy from Louisiana, this David Vitter, at least he went to a professional and left the congressional pages alone." --David Letterman

"Right now, Washington, DC, is in the grips and throws of a big prostitution ring sex scandal. High-powered politicians going to visit prostitutes. The call girl agency had a slogan. The slogan was 'We take care of you below the beltway'" --David Letterman

"The Washington, D.C., madam has threatened to release more names of Washington politicians who were her customers. ... She says another member of the White House will be named very soon. This proves once again that members of the Bush administration don't know when it's time to pull out." --Jay Leno

"Politicians having sex with prostitutes? What's the matter? All of a sudden, congressional pages aren't good enough anymore?" --David Letterman

"There's a big scandal going on down in Washington, DC, with a prostitution ring. ... Politicians were actually paying for sex. One girl got paid with a military base in her home state." --David Letterman

"This ring of prostitutes apparently had a very elite group of clients. In fact, one girl was sent over to the Lincoln Memorial to give Abe a lap dance." --David Letterman

"It looks like a lot of politicians' careers will be ruined when this Washington madam releases the names on her client list. President Bush's Deputy Secretary of State Randall Tobias has already resigned because he was a customer. He claims he just got a massage, but no sex. I think that was called 'The Married Guy Special.'" --Jay Leno

"The DC madam says that when she's releasing these names, she's not doing it for political reasons. She says she does not have a political bone in her body. At least not today." --Jay Leno

"You all know who Nancy Pelosi is, right? She's the second most powerful woman in the country, right behind the D.C. madam." --Jay Leno

"Did you hear about the Washington, D.C., madam? She was running a call girl operation, and they think a lot of congressmen and senators and high ranking politicians were visiting the prostitutes. It's just crazy. One girl actually got paid with a new highway project." -- David Letterman

"The D.C. madam is going to list the names of famous Republicans who used her female escort service. That shows you the fundamental philosophical differences between the two parties. Bush Republicans believe in having the private sector provide sex for profit. Whereas, Clinton Democrats believe it should be a big give-away program." --Jay Leno

"Here's good news: the FBI has arrested the madam who was in charge of the ring of prostitutes. No word though on Osama." --David Letterman

"When the White House heard about this scandal, they were relieved. Finally, a Republican caught in a sex scandal with a woman." --Jay Leno

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