Saturday, September 30, 2006

Current quotes from comedians

“It’s been reported that Condoleezza Rice is dating a high-level Canadian diplomat. Sources say you can tell because Rice has an extra bounce in her step and is giggling a lot as she prepares for the invasion of Iran .” — Conan O’Brien

“In the West Bank a group calling itself the Lions of Monotheism fire bombed four churches, telling the Associated Press the attacks were carried out to protest the Pope’s remarks linking Islam and violence. The irony of the statement, and this is often the case we find, was lost on them.” — Jon Stewart

“I certainly hope that Hillary is the candidate.... I hope she’s the candidate, because nothing will energize my (constituency) like Hillary Clinton. If Lucifer ran, he wouldn’t.” – Jerry Falwell

"When questioned about Osama bin Laden, Clinton said he tried to kill bin Laden. I believe him, but we all know what bad aim Clinton has." - Jay Leno

"The Senate has voted to approve the building of a 700-mile fence along the 2,000-mile border of Mexico. This is what happens when you let President Bush do the math." - Jay Leno


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